Author Archives: Tanya Rana

Like Halsey once said, "If I can't have love, I want power"

Come Back Home

You miss me, I see it

If it’s wrong, let be it

We’ve lied for too long

Through poems and through songs.

Taylor’s music doesn’t heel anymore

Her touch, you don’t feel anymore

Come back home, my love

It’s time to come back where you belong.

Life has stopped making sense

I’ve hit a dead end

Nothing excites me anymore

For breakdowns, I’ve stopped keeping score.

Your eyes don’t linger, they ache

I know you see the hearts that we break

But lying to yourself isn’t gonna fix it

She’s not the one, I know you’re afraid to risk it.

We’re yet to make mistakes many more

Sure the wounds are still more than sore

These hearts still pump, not joyfully though

We can’t forever keep denying the cure.

We are meant to be together, I know you see it

Calling me dumb isn’t the solution, come out and be it

Life is scary and we don’t get a lot of it right

Give me another reason love, start a fight.

You slip when you’re drunk

Your walls seem to have shrunk

Making sorry eyes, that desperate lip smack

Go home and cold again, she mustn’t see that.

Holding her by the waist, does she smell like me?

We cannot keep haunting like this till eternity

Come back home my love, sit at this table of two

All else is just static noise, forever is me and you.

You were a soldier but the war is over now

The general did you dirty and walked home bestowed

Your body aches my touch, don’t deny it that

Let me soothe your broken skin, take off that duty hat.

You lean on my legs intentionally, of course, I see it

If it was six months ago, I would’ve got fits

But I know how your heart calls out my name

Come back to me my lost pariah, let’s stop playing games.

Don’t blame yourself for things you can still make right

Stop waiting months to feed that hunger of my sight

Might have erased the physical memories, its time to use the final weapon

Stop killing yourself everyday love, you can still make it happen.

Rainy Days

I miss you a little extra on rainy days
I feel like stalking you but I’m afraid to discover
Something capable of crushing my heart once again
Another girl around your arms
It’s not new you know
It’s sour.

Look at you
I’m not supposed to look at you
Peach shirt but whose looking at it
How do you make a color like that work
It’s hideous but I can’t stop looking at it
After all, it’s you.

I don’t regret leaving you
I’m sure neither do you
Still, this wound comes to life every time it rains
As if years-old stitches hurt again in winters
My heart doesn’t let you go
My mind wouldn’t let me show
What have we done love
Have you ever heard the word love sound so hollow?

I’m fine, I know you don’t wonder
But I do though
It’s tough, just like we thought
It’s been a while since I cried thinking of you
Hindi songs would have suited you so nicely
Only if I had the courage to tell you how my heart
Sang them out of joy seeing you
I thought it was cringe, I still do.

I was afraid of you, you know
I felt inferior, shadowed by you
I let that get to me and not you
I don’t like what I’m feeling
Sour is not my favorite taste anymore
Do you remember that?
Do you remember anything?

I don’t write anymore you know
Because doesn’t matter what I start with
It ends with you
Every poem, every prose, everything I would ever write
Will forever be about you
It’s dark out here in the real world
I wanted to tell you I got the job.

I wanted to tell you I got rid of the tag
My father encrypted on my skin
I wanted to tell you I found the courage to accept
When I make mistakes
I want to tell you so many things
Do you wanna hear them?
No? ok.

Pritam sings ‘tum se hi’ and your face flashes in front of me
It has never been true before
Or has been true all this time
I don’t know actually
When it comes to you, nothing makes sense
I hate you most of the days
But I love you when it rains
I love you so much when it rains.

Dark Thoughts

I roam around metro stations
Praying for your sight
While your finger’s down her throat
Trying so hard to feel right

Does it work for you alright?
Are you ever about to call her by my name
Realize and stop with fright?

Does my presence still scare you?
When you’re with me, are you afraid of what you might do?
Does her voice ache your heart because it isn’t mine?
Do you hate her when she says cool or fine?

Do you have to stop your head from thinking
Of ripping away every shed of clothing that separates me from you?
Or do you go around casually
Eye shaping my curves like you always do?

Do such dark thoughts cloud your mind too?
Are you all macho inside or your brain is playing you as a fool?
From what I remember you had a mushy center
Hard shell on the outside, inside soft and tender

Does your life sometimes feel miserable without my touch?
Do you miss days that were stormy and rough?
Do you map every mole on her skin like you did on mine?
Are you jealous of her blanket when the clock strikes nine?

Does she mentally enthrall you with things out of the world?
Does she know how to be a bitch, boss, and a nerd?
Is her face as difficult as you said mine was to not touch?
Tell me, my dear, do you miss me that much?

Older

When I think back a mile
Guess I’ve never been a child
6 years old when I was an older sister
No love at home, go out, find a mister

Life made sense way too early for me
The elder one makes the compromises, you see
I stopped being a kid before adolescence
At 12, I could give ted talks and life lessons

A few days ago I was missing the age of cartoons
When I heard those noises coming from the side room
I’ve cried about the problems of people much older
Because I was one of them, responsibility housed my shoulders

When I try to be comfortable they say it’s childish
To make my decisions, still have to learn what being an adult is
How far have I come to not understand either
Not fit to follow their steps, not fit to be a leader

And only if they saw what I gave up to meet their demands
I learned real magic at my age to play with wands
Babysit, look out and teach them all of it early
Their approval is the only thing you should want dearly

Oh what tragedy it is to be older
They must be the torch bearers but you are its holder
You are too young to not know but too old to make mistakes
Careful, it’s everyone’s respect at the stakes

And when you stop and turn around to see what’s left behind
You realize you don’t remember what it was like to be a child
Get up, it’s time to gear up with your life
Go clean your room, they’ll be back by five.

Boy Bestfriend

I want a boy best friend
One I could run to for a hug
One when he sees me in a dress, he shrugs
I’ve lived my whole life with one
So it’s difficult to live with none.

Don’t get me wrong I have enough people in my life
Roles, they play roles, keeping me safe from words and knives
But there is this one, an inevitable role
Just one that is capable to fill this dark hole.

And I understand nature, I’m smart enough
For a man and a woman, to be friends is tough
And no I don’t expect him to see me as a sister
Don’t expect him to be good friends with my mister.

I want him to be feared from
I want him to feel like a second home
For when my life is falling apart
He helps straighten my shoulders, good at his part.

I want him to care like I’m his lost treasure
I want him to stick around for moments more than leisure
I want him to recognize people who are good for me
But bear the capability to torture out the truth for me.

I want a man so strong who is ready to go on a war
Barely by seeing me trying to hide a scar
I want us to talk about love and be in it too
But realizing the world would burn down lovers like us two.

And I want his hugs to be therapeutic more than my mother’s
I want a man who’s my strength even if he’s sworn to another
And I might come across as selfish trying to wish for such things
But I want him to be the place to run to when love stings.

I want him to have the courage to kill people for me
And the world, the protection in his eyes it sees
For a lover will never be able to fulfill that role
No other will ever be able to fill that big a hole.

And you might wonder if I’m willing to give the same
Dont doubt me for a second as I know if the need came
I’ll burn everything to the ground for his smile
To wipe a tear, I’ll run a thousand miles.

And people would doubt if we are cheating on our partners
We would bother not once to explain it to people charmers
The kind of bond I wish we could share
For once to be comfortable with a foreign man’s stare.