May 2020 – Poetry In My Veins

If I Were A Boy

If I were a boy,

I would kiss her to sleep every night,

And hold her by the waist, just the way she likes;

If I were a boy,

I would bring her chocolates and fries,

And make her laugh, just to see the wrinkles beneath her eyes;

If I were a boy,

I would never let go of her hand,

And walk her to her house, just to have some extra minutes to spend;

If I were a boy,

I would show her off to my friends,

And after every fight I would never hesitate to be the one to mend;

If I were a boy,

I would play with her hair and her cats,

And kiss her every time she would say that she’s fat;

If I were a boy,

I would bring her flowers,

And take her on field trips and gardens and bowers;

If I were a boy,

I would tell her I mean to keep,

And sit beside her smiling looking at her face while she sleeps;

If I were a boy,

I would take all her problems away,

And massage her shoulders after a long and tiring day;

If I were a boy,

I would remember all the small things,

And always remember the dates and won’t forget the timings;

If I were a boy,

I would give her my heart,

And tell her how she’s always been so beautiful and smart;

If I were a boy,

I would tell her she’s my world,

And she’s absolutely perfect the ways she walks around and twirls.

-by Tanya Rana

My Extinguished Lamp

You bring me happiness wrapped in shiny paper,

Always know the right words I want to hear;

Be the rain on my long-deserted land,

And yet sometimes the fear creeps me out.

What if one day, you don’t have the flowers in your hand?

What if one day, you’re not wearing the silver band?

What if one day, you don’t feel like I’m good enough?

And what if one day, our paths get rocky and rough?

What if one day, our forever loses its meaning?

What if one day, we realize that we’ve been dreaming?

What if one day, the land beneath us starts trembling?

And what if one day, the world suddenly starts grumbling?

Will you still hold my hand and walk past the problems?

Will you still pick me up in spite of all criticism?

Will you still make me breakfast and coffee in bed?

And will you still sit along my side to break the bread?

Will you still keep your words of a happy ever after?

Will you still share with me, your tears and your laughter?

Will you be by my side, when the world stands against me?

And will you help break my chains and let me free?

Tell me, if one day our bond loses its strength,

Will you still be there to light my extinguished lamp?

-by Tanya Rana

Losing You

I’ve lost family, I’ve lost lovers,

But nothing hurts as near as losing a friend like you;

I’ve had people telling me, things like this would happen,

But you didn’t really have to show me that its true.

If you had to leave like this in the end,

Why keep us in the first place?

If you were to disappoint us like this after all,

Why keep on running with us in the race?

Tell me did you not feel it,

In you heart that you were making a mistake?

How do you expect me to deal with it now?

How much hurt do you think am going to take.

You left me out here all alone,

Wondering where I went wrong;

You sucked the breath out of me,

While playing that melancholy song.

I’m not even trying to blame you now,

I’m almost over the blame game;

There’s not even a point in explaining you,

Cause I know you’re going to stay the same!

-by Tanya Rana

Uglier

Now, I’m living a life so good,

Can barely recall what ever ruined my mood;

And all of a sudden, you knock my door,

My feet literally start slipping off the floor.

What now, what do you want?

I would have given you my soul, but now I can’t;

Cause I have given your place to someone else now,

And he’s doing so good, I can barely raise a brow.

Yes I miss you too, but not how I used to,

Cause he’s been filling the holes all-through;

Do you remember how you dug them in me?

Well, he healed them and set me free!

Why do you have to come back now?

Haven’t you already used me enough?

Or are you still waiting to suck my goodness a lil more,

Tryna remind me, how you left me at the rough.

I still remember, how I was crazy for you,

Followed you around like a lost kid;

I have cried days, I have cried nights,

I never want that again, God forbid.

But now you see me with him and it burns you,

And I really hope it hurts like hell;

Cause thats what you put me through,

And I do believe in tit-for-tat, oh well.

Why do you realize now, that I am the one?

Where have you been all this time?

When i used to walk beside you,

Tell me, what made you that blind!

But I’m afraid, you’re pretty late now,

Wish you realized it a little earlier,

Cause even I believed that you were the one,

But you made a mistake, that kept on getting Uglier!

-by Tanya Rana

Accepting It

Today, I saw you with her again,

Hand in hand, walking all sweetly

Your face was glowing like a bulb,

My body twisted in response.

Chest ached; belly dropped!

But this time, my mind didn’t fight,

This time, no more making it right,

This time, I won’t give you any looks,

No, this time, no more mind stories to cook.

And it’s not because I am so strong,

I have never been strong when it comes to you

Its because I’m getting so weak,

Maybe its time to accept the truth!

Cause I’m tired of trying,

Trying every day every night.

I guess its enough, it hurts to realize,

Its just me coming back for you every time.

Its so sick how one day we’re perfect,

And next day we are barely strangers.

And its sick how every now and then,

Its only me whose putting on these efforts.

And I didn’t know how much more I can take,

Inside, I am already in pieces.

And all you ever do is sit there,

And watch me burn to ashes.

But now I feel really tired buddy,

You see, I don’t try it anymore.

I guess eventually I am accepting it,

Though I should have accepted it long before!

-by Tanya Rana