Monthly Archives: July 2020

We went for paragliding,

and it was fun.

we took the jump,

forgetting the run.

And I still recall they warned us,

You touch the sky or you fall in dust;

But we were too ignorant,

Thought we found the one.

As we jumped,

Our eyes were set to the heights;

We thought of nothing,

Except the flight.

We let the bliss overcome us,

Felt so greedy and full of lust.

We were so lost in the horizon,

Swear we saw Adam and Eve at the sight.

The roaring wind,

Carried us up high;

Just for a moment,

Made us believe we could fly.

We never let them control us,

Felt so young and way too just.

So peaceful looked the world from there,

We believed that the end was a lie.

We were at the highest,

We could ever be;

The sun at the distance,

Far stretched lands were all we could see;

And as every flight has a fall,

We went down in the sky so tall.

But it was still worth it,

As long as we still felt the breeze.

But right then,

Was the time to land;

We gradually lost the grip,

Of both our hands.

We kept going down till we touched the ground,

The same place we started at, was again to be found.

Guess shining like glass, we somehow forgot,

That our foundation was still sand.

We went for paragliding,

 And it was fun!

I don’t know if I will sound normal in this article. I don’t know if I have ever sounded normal. This may sound senseless to a few but might make total sense to some others. So, hold on and read…

Sometimes, or I would say many times lately, I have been suffering a different state of mind. Something strange and illogical. I don’t even know if this is common among people of my age or of any age. If it even happens to anyone. It’s like, a fear, embedded deep under my skin. The fear of unproductivity. Of being of no use to anyone and everyone. Now some of you might say that it’s normal and that it happens to you as well. But at what level? Does it make you want to cry? Does it send you chills down your spine? Does it feel like everybody despises you at your back, talk stupid things about you like you are a liability on this planet? No? well, that’s what’s happening to me. And as much as I hate to talk about it to anyone, the more it creeps up on my mind. It’s like the monster under my bed when I was younger, that I knew didn’t exist but still somehow prevented me from getting out of the bed or looking at my closet. And yes, I totally accept that I might even sound insane to a few but it is what its is. And I have decided to talk about it.  

At the beginning of the lock-down, none of us knew it could continue for this long. Not me at the least. The few days of the beginning felt like paradise. No work to do, no one to bother you, no work or study burden from parents for the first time in my life. It felt, blissful. But as the time passed by, boredom took its toll. And that’s okay. It was still the beginning, so we of course, had friends to talk to, new dishes to make, draw, paint, read and god knows so many various ways to get through that boredom. Even I painted and cooked and got back to my old hobbies like reading (a lot of reading!) and writing. But now, as the time is passing by, there is a strange overwhelming feeling. Some strange fear creeps in. what if everyone is working crazy on themselves and it’s me who’s going to lag behind once this all is over? What if I am totally wasting my time but if others are not, then what are they doing? What if my result is not good? What if I don’t get a reputed college or even a college!!? What if I do not get opportunities to showcase or promote my talent? Do I even have some sort of talent?! Its all nonsensical. I don’t think I understand what this phase is. Is it normal for everyone who is almost house arrested, to go through this or is it just me who is maybe being over dramatic!

I hope there is a way out of this feeling of nonproductive-ness. This anxiety is almost killing the inside of me. So, if there is anybody out there who actually understands this, let’s not keep it inside. Let’s talk!