I don’t believe in god
This is what I tell everyone
And even myself
Because I really never feel
That anyone is ever looking after me.
No one is pushing me to do better
Or maybe everyone is
But no one knows how I’m dying
Dying without a reason
Like a soldier who agreed to protect his land
But at what cost?
What are we getting out of this?
This chaos and trouble
These new found tragedies
Someone loving football lose their legs
Others were depressed and their dogs died
And then there are some who have everything
Everything except peace of mind.
We blame it on people for suiciding
And doing drugs is a sin
But how are we so sure its them
Doing that to themselves, and not us?
Why isn’t it ever considered that maybe
Just maybe
The problem is with us?
How far to the edge die we push a person
That they chose death over life
That they chose to rather destroy their body with poisons
Over finding out a solution.
What if there is no solution?
What if all we are is a negligible bunch of atoms
Dreaming way to big?
I mean, there is always a possibility.
Lately, even I feel suicidal
But something stops me
Not the fact that it isn’t the right thing to do
But there is a voice that says
“What will people think?”
I think this mentality is destructive
Its messing with your ability to think
You must be thinking how scared to the bones
A person must be
That they are afraid of death
Not because death is deadly
But because they are under a pressure
A pressure of being judged.
A pressure that is so unsustainable
That it doesn’t let you live
And doesn’t let you die
It hangs you to a cliff
With the strongest rope we call hope.
It’s a sin to be alive
But you are a sinner if you die.
Monthly Archives: March 2021
Dear Old Friend
We were 14, bare teenagers
Newly hit puberty, doing each other favors.
You were the smart and silent kid,
I was the bold and dreamy
You were definitely better in academics
But I was the one more gleamy.
You sat in front of me, that’s how I remember you
I never thought we would take it that far
You tried getting my number as if there was nothing you wouldn’t do
But I was still to cover some of my scars.
We became friends after the big blunder you did
I bet you remember texting my mother
Would you believe she still calls you, “that smart kid”?
Trust me, she doesn’t really remember many others.
That went silent, but one fine day
I would say all I was doing was testing my luck
But you replied to my text, it was early may
My summer instantly had more flowers to pluck.
We talked and talked, like that was all we knew
Day to night, all I cared about was you
From broad daylights to the misty dews
Never had many, but you were definitely in those few.
We were innocent in the beginning
Trying to put the best foot forward
Until there was time, to your texts, I was grinning
I was a good kid then, and you were my award.
Time went by, and the innocence did too,
I swear if you say that wasn’t love you’d be lying
We used to talk of a forever, we were fools
Coz if that came true, right now I wouldn’t be dying.
Oh dear! We grew up to become different people
I accept I was not the girl you wanted me to be
Our graph started going down like a steep hill
But it took us way too long to see.
I remember you getting mad when it wasn’t you
I remember myself being jealous
Yes, I know I was a little distracted by a few
But I swear when it came to you, I was selfless.
That thing escalated so high that our unsaid love felt short
Each day brought another brick down
We both were nothing less than some wild sport
Don’t know how we ended up in a circus dressed as clowns.
By 16, your priorities were sorted
And unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be me
It took me time to understand, I was distorted
Until I knew you set yourself free.
We still talked, but not like the golden days
The conversations were short, work and the weather
We slowly started to separate our ways
As to your hat, I was no longer the only feather.
This thing went on falling from great heights
I wasn’t ready, but I knew it was time
You were no longer the one in my sight
Losing you felt nothing less than a crime.
And this is how our story unfolds
I wanted to keep it for myself
But I read somewhere, the truth better be told
I believe this is how the word ‘lost’ spells.
And if today, you are reading these lines
I bet you know these are for you
After all this is not our first time
And I know, you know that too.
Don’t Need You
It’s been a month since you left me,
And I won’t lie, it hurts
Honestly, I had no Idea your absence
Will haunt me so much.
Oh dear, but let me tell you,
I still don’t regret my decision
It’s just the fact that
I thought our love was pure precision.
Do you remember our midnight walks?
Parallel to the sea breeze
I remember the words you said
Came out of your mouth with such ease.
And no doubt I believed them
You were such a pretty liar
You were all a girl could ask for
Until you set her world on fire.
All my life you made me
Think small of myself
You took my confidence away
framing the perfect girl your mind dwelled.
But I cannot disagree
It was me, the real fool
Worshipped every word you said
It was my life, but I let you rule.
I don’t remember what I saw in you
You were barely half the man as me
Every day I needed your reassurance
How foolish can one be!
But oh, my dear
Not only was I wrong
But now I realize
I was the goddess all along.
Your last words, still
Echo in my head
I recall, “you need me”
Is exactly what you said.
But my prince of the shallow seas
You think too high of yourself
Maybe that’s the reason
You put me on the bottom shelf.
And of course, I couldn’t take it
what else could I have done?
even your mother despised you
but honey, weren’t you the only son?
So today, my long-lost lover
let me say a thing or two
I wanted you in my life
but I promise I didn’t need you!
Poetry In My Veins 