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Sympathy

I watch the glucose drip like water
I hear the fainted chatter around
I can feel my mum’s hand on mine
I can hear my father’s ringtone sound

They want to know who did this to me
They are breathing flames like they should be
And all I can think about is the fact that
How further to the edge you pushed me

This tragedy brought me unbearable pain
I threw my self-respect down the gutter
It’s crazy what big promises you used to make
But turned me down without a stutter

They tell me to get rid of every hint of you
While I think of ways to deliver you the notes
That’s the kind of love I had for you
That’s the kind of love you lost

Even people who hated me came forward for sympathy
Kept a check on me like I was one of their own
And it’s funny how everyone cares about me
Everyone except the one I thought was my home.

My Kingdom

She steps on the stage and the crowd goes silent

Most of them remember her from an age rather violent

But for me, I have something more to recall

She wrecked us, she ruined us, it was all her fault.

This school reunion brings back some memories

Some good ones, some bad, some I’d rather leave buried

She used to be a shining star back then

I used to be hers, she’d be mine back then.

She clears her throat, smiles faintly as she begins

My age-old wounds are surfacing again

“Long time no see people, how are you all?

I hope life has been kind to you through the last falls.

This place used to mean the world to me

Your faces, in my dreams I used to see

I recall laughing till our stomachs gave out

I recall us being funny teens, tall and stout

We took a lot away from this place,

A different memory for everyone

But do you know what I took away?

A little of good times, a lot of worse

Heart-breaking moments, lost love and trust

They say it takes hands to kill a man

But it takes a heart to kill a kingdom

Trust me, I would know it

I lost both my man and my kingdom.

When we got out of here, things were still fine

Once in 6 months, we would get together and dine

But with time, some gained arrogance

Some lost feelings and started finding new friends

And I knew it would happen, intuition housed my bones

I knew it was a matter of time they’d be bygones

It was still bearable though, at least I had my man

‘The rest couldn’t make it, but I think we can!’

Who knew our foundation was even weaker

It was built on a couple of liars and attention seekers

And yes, we ended things soon after

We knew we had to when tears replaced laughter.

I know my ways are infamous but I swear I tried

Made effort till the moment the blood in my bones dried

But he got a whiff of some foreign girl’s pack

He started craving it, I knew he wasn’t coming back.

I was so afraid of the end, I missed the middle

All of his silly jokes, pick-up lines, and riddles

He went from being a safe spot to a sore spot to no spot at all

And that’s how ladies and gents, this Humpty had her fall.

Years passed by and so did the mood swings

I found new people to patch my broken wings

They helped me back on my foot, lend a hand

And years later I am strong enough to say, Hey, Best Friend,

Remember I used to talk about standing at the porch, watching the rainfall?

I made it, I made it all!”

She ends it with a smile, but discomfort on my body crawls

I wrecked us, I ruined us, it was all my fault.

New Year

I wake up to chilly winds
Feeling a hollow deep within
The familiar face I ache to see

The bright sun starts to burn in me
My depth goes down like shallow seas
I try so hard but barely feel

I lost so much I gave up counting
This solitude is weirdly calm and haunting
Every word comes across as taunting

I see the table, its shabby and old
From its surface the dust I blow
It wants to rest but never shows

I pick a pen and try to write
A thread to join these empty minds
A way to say, a way to hide

I sit for long it’s evening now
A day feels like a year somehow
Teach me appreciation, I don’t know how

I sit and wait for the clock to hit twelve
On all my problems, reminisce and delve
I don’t say often but I might need help

It’s twelve and it screams a new year
They say its time to let go of your fears
I don’t know how to, I’m too numb to hear.

Minds

We leave in the same taxi

You raise my hopes up

Only until you ask the driver

To pull over by the pub.

Your strong and macho attitude

Leaving without a goodbye

I, warm and greedy as always

Watching till you are out of sight.

I get down at my place

Walking alone down the street

You yelling at the bartender

Trying to lose the building heat.

I make a vague effort

Unzipping my tiny dress

You down the entire scotch

Holding on to your breath.

I take off my earrings

That you brushed intentionally

I led on that guy on purpose

 I wanted you to see.

I take down my silk dress

That I put on cause you were coming

You knew very well it was for you

I noticed your head turning.

I take out the contacts

From my very spying eyes

I saw you staring after

You heard them say I look nice.

Now you drink alone at the pub

While I am lying down in my bed

When both of us know so well

It’s each other that we dread.

But you are full of arrogance

And yes, I’m selfish too

We should have learned this by now

It’s not like this is new.

You drink like it’s your last time

While I stare at my phone screen

I’m scrolling through our pictures

While you continue to think of me.

We never once shed a tear

We were too strong to do that

Now, I’m texting that new boy

Whereas next to you she sat.

I ask him to come over

And you ask to take her home

We look into their eyes

As our intertwined minds roam.

I am clinging to his back

While you take off all her clothes

It’s weird how we two are sadists

Yet let our memories torture us both.

He’s snoring on my bed

While she lies silently next to you

You think of me and I think of you

And we both know that we’re fools.

We Were Liars

You can always find someone else to shower your love on
but never someone else to cry ugly in front of.

I guess we passed the stage of trial
and reached the final phase of denial.

I’ll eat my feelings and go to sleep
and bury my emotions way too deep.

I’ll look for you on the loneliest roads
but not for long ’cause I’m scared of ghosts.

And in a perfect world, we would be chilling by a fire
singing Taylor Swift songs, sitting on a trashed tire.

I’ll build the fire, you fetch the roast
and to our friendship, we would raise a toast.

and I would tell my parents that they were wrong
that my friends were real and always stuck along.

And the plans we made about marrying “The ones”
would end on a perfect note by you all forcing me to dance.

Forever we would talk fondly of the trip in 12th grade
which was a literal hell, but the night on the balcony cut like a blade.

We would complete the bucket list we once made
and would party the day we all finally got laid.

People would still talk about us like we were the best of friends
we would have made a perfect example of how a good thing never ends.

The forever and always we talked about, would be true
if I were maybe a little humble, but so were you.