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Poems

I think I saw your eyes in CP today

Starlike gaze, staring right through me

I wasn’t mad or afraid this time

I wasn’t me this time.

I thought a lot in the past two months

Our ups and downs, our smiles and frowns

I still have a couple of letters lying around for you

One I wrote at my highest high, other at my lowest low.

This poem is so raw I can’t even seem to rhyme it

Yet my hands see no reason to stop writing

But I swear this is not another diss track

Just a child trying very hard to sound adult.

There are a lot of times when I miss you unconsciously

Like the times when I wake up from my evening nap

Or times when I achieve something thinking of how

Your appreciation alone would make my day.

I think love is more like waves of an ocean

They hit you back and forth but leave you soaking forever

And the ship of integrity floats till it floats

Before sinking in the dark undiscovered rubble.

I think you’ll still be here in a hundred years

Reading my silly poems out of fear

The fear of breaking that endless string

The string that forever connects you and me.

I’ll forever miss the way your thumb

Traced my little finger while holding my hand

And the way you smiled so secretly

When I adored you with words you said you didn’t like.

Maybe one of these days I’ll think of you for the last time

And let you go for once and for all

Maybe I’ll stop staring down from this cliff of hoax

And be brave enough to jump or trust the fall.

I hope you stay kind like the day I fell for you

And your will stays strong like the day you turned me down

I hope you see in someone what I saw in you

And she doesn’t end up writing poems about you two.

I know things have gone too far and hope is a threat

And if you think closely, maybe this is for the best

I want you to know I have absolutely no regrets

I’ll forever remember you fondly even though you put me to test.

Truth in Me

Mornings draggy as forever have been

Life has made me an adult from teen

All these changes gulping me

Deepest ponds to shallow seas.

Life has treated me in all ways

Calming sun to burning rains

Something brought out the truth in me

My struggles talk through poetry.

Some hit so hard they left a mark

Their presence I forever starve

Walking to make the horizons meet

Now empty skies is all I see.

Lies have taken more than they take

This path of rubbles took forever to make

Yet turning back all I ever see

Is the misery that life has brought on me.

For an atheist, I still do pray

A few things to forever stay the same

For all these changes keep me awake

I believe in god for my own sake.

My soul hurts to be a pessimist

In good things is all trauma I see

Life brought out the truth in me

All my misery takes rest in poetry.

I Ache To See

I woke up 45 mins late
I took a burning hot shower
Wore my favorite lipstick
Trying to centralize all my power.

I try my hardest not to think of you
Think of someone to look forward to
I try my hardest not to miss
The sweet feeling of smiling at you.

I reach the metro station like my bus stop
The wait is similar for both the journeys
Except this time I can’t promise myself
I won’t let memories hit this early.

I reach my college, put my bag down
I have about ten faces smiling at me
I smile back but little do they know
No one compares to the face I ache to see.

My class is going on and so is my mind
With all its reminiscing I try to stop
The teacher gives me a dreadful glare
As all of my sweet dreams end with a pop.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not dying over here
My heart is a mess but my head stays strong
Only if I could forget your face
Only if I could let go of all the wrong.

I am a strong girl, I contain myself
I sit surrounded in the canteen right now
I can’t let you go how easily you let me
Would you do me a favor and teach me how?

Being a Kid

I miss waking up to my mother’s lecture

Begging for five more minutes to sleep

Back when she used to get me ready

And being a good kid was the only promise to keep.

I remember dressing up in my uniform

Ready to win the day once again

Going to school, meeting my friends

Never knowing what was migraine and back pain.

I miss the sound of my favorite cartoon

Coming from the adjacent room

The way we would run around the halls

Making pillow forts, dressing in funny costumes.

Back then we weren’t surrounded by cameras

To click our infinite happy moments

It was just us and our smiles

Harmony flowing in us like poets.

I miss being tense for the test next day

And not about what I’m doing with my life

I miss when my only responsibility was to get good grades

And not think of 101 ways to be a good wife.

I miss when friends were close and true

Laughing till our stomachs would hurt

I miss how rhyme would just flow through me

Unlike now, when I’m always short of words.

I missing dad coming home, bringing us chocolates

How the tinniest affection would sparkle our eyes

I miss when the only thing we fought for

Was who was getting the last slice.

Oh to grow up, it’s such a scam

Recalling now that precious life we lived

If only I could make one more wish on my eyelash

I’d say, I never wanna give up on being a kid.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

The hurt of seeing you

The hurt of hearing your voice

The hurt of not having you around

The hurt of making this hard choice.

I have won big battles in life

And I have lost even bigger ones

But how do I win this battle with my mind reminiscing

Seeing your happy face during lunch.

I never really believed you were the one

But I put my blood sweat and tears to make you that

We were miles away from being perfect

But perfection is an over-exaggerated cap.

I started my day with a glance at your text

My day ended with your sweet goodnight

I know there were days it was hard to trust

But how could you give up without one last fight?

Weren’t you the one to get my dirty jokes?

People were scared to talk shit about me in front of you

Wasn’t I the one to be there right from the beginning?

I was there when you had twenty friends, was there when you had two.

Don’t worry I don’t cry my eyes out anymore

And my appetite is fine, thanks for asking

It’s just that I see you in my dreams and wake up short of breath

Do you have any clue of the hurt I’m masking?

Come back here, don’t you dare ignore my tears

I was forever there to wipe off yours

I just can’t wrap my head around the fact

How roughly our beautiful thing ran its course.

You made such big promises all along the way

Said you would stay no matter what

Now I walk down alone to the metro line

Scared to see you, keeping my eyes wide shut.

How could you do so much and put it on me

Replace me in a month like I wasn’t worth a dime

 Because out of sight and out of mind

Is the biggest lie of all times.

This hurt of not seeing you

This hurt of not hearing your voice

This hurt of not having you around

My hurt that you seem to rejoice.