Tanya Rana

Paragliding

We went for paragliding,

and it was fun.

we took the jump,

forgetting the run.

And I still recall they warned us,

You touch the sky or you fall in dust;

But we were too ignorant,

Thought we found the one.

As we jumped,

Our eyes were set to the heights;

We thought of nothing,

Except the flight.

We let the bliss overcome us,

Felt so greedy and full of lust.

We were so lost in the horizon,

Swear we saw Adam and Eve at the sight.

The roaring wind,

Carried us up high;

Just for a moment,

Made us believe we could fly.

We never let them control us,

Felt so young and way too just.

So peaceful looked the world from there,

We believed that the end was a lie.

We were at the highest,

We could ever be;

The sun at the distance,

Far stretched lands were all we could see;

And as every flight has a fall,

We went down in the sky so tall.

But it was still worth it,

As long as we still felt the breeze.

But right then,

Was the time to land;

We gradually lost the grip,

Of both our hands.

We kept going down till we touched the ground,

The same place we started at, was again to be found.

Guess shining like glass, we somehow forgot,

That our foundation was still sand.

We went for paragliding,

And it was fun!

Strange Anxieties

I don’t know if I will sound normal in this article. I don’t know if I have ever sounded normal. This may sound senseless to a few but might make total sense to some others. So, hold on and read…

Sometimes, or I would say many times lately, I have been suffering a different state of mind. Something strange and illogical. I don’t even know if this is common among people of my age or of any age. If it even happens to anyone. It’s like, a fear, embedded deep under my skin. The fear of unproductivity. Of being of no use to anyone and everyone. Now some of you might say that it’s normal and that it happens to you as well. But at what level? Does it make you want to cry? Does it send you chills down your spine? Does it feel like everybody despises you at your back, talk stupid things about you like you are a liability on this planet? No? well, that’s what’s happening to me. And as much as I hate to talk about it to anyone, the more it creeps up on my mind. It’s like the monster under my bed when I was younger, that I knew didn’t exist but still somehow prevented me from getting out of the bed or looking at my closet. And yes, I totally accept that I might even sound insane to a few but it is what its is. And I have decided to talk about it.

At the beginning of the lock-down, none of us knew it could continue for this long. Not me at the least. The few days of the beginning felt like paradise. No work to do, no one to bother you, no work or study burden from parents for the first time in my life. It felt, blissful. But as the time passed by, boredom took its toll. And that’s okay. It was still the beginning, so we of course, had friends to talk to, new dishes to make, draw, paint, read and god knows so many various ways to get through that boredom. Even I painted and cooked and got back to my old hobbies like reading (a lot of reading!) and writing. But now, as the time is passing by, there is a strange overwhelming feeling. Some strange fear creeps in. what if everyone is working crazy on themselves and it’s me who’s going to lag behind once this all is over? What if I am totally wasting my time but if others are not, then what are they doing? What if my result is not good? What if I don’t get a reputed college or even a college!!? What if I do not get opportunities to showcase or promote my talent? Do I even have some sort of talent?! Its all nonsensical. I don’t think I understand what this phase is. Is it normal for everyone who is almost house arrested, to go through this or is it just me who is maybe being over dramatic!

I hope there is a way out of this feeling of nonproductive-ness. This anxiety is almost killing the inside of me. So, if there is anybody out there who actually understands this, let’s not keep it inside. Let’s talk!

Its Intentional

I know about all the times,

you feel insecure when you see me laugh and hop around someone else.

sometimes I would except that its intentional,

I like to see you being dominant and aggressive.

I know about all the times,

You feel like punching the wall when I tell you am tired and sleepy.

Sometimes I would except that its intentional,

I like reading the long paragraphs you write me the next morning.

I know about all the times,

You are burning when I talk about someone else and praise them.

Sometimes I would say that its intentional,

I like it when you curse them in your mind.

I know about all the times,

You are so lost in my voice when I talk like a child.

Sometimes I would say that its intentional,

I like it when you are obsessed with me.

I know about all the times,

You are hurting because you said something you didn’t mean and I am annoyed.

Sometimes I would say that its intentional,

I like to see how far you’d go for me.

And I know about all the times,

My words give you a twist down your spine.

Sometimes, I would say that its intentional,

I like to make you feel special.

-by Tanya Rana

The Heart Still Beats

Slow and stable

Turns to fast and chaotic

Yes, the heart still beats.

Seems like just yesterday,

New adolescents

Devilish, innocence-less minds,

We held each other.

We knew nothing of love,

Not at all like we boasted

All we knew was that it felt good,

To be known, to be noticed.

That wasn’t love,

But so, we called it

Now I look back,

And laugh at myself.

Time gradually tore us apart,

From fake lovers to dumb friends

Friends, we called it,

Though, there was more to it.

Its strange how you need something,

Only when it’s gone

And it’s stupid how you can kill for it,

Even when it’s wrong.

We came together once again,

Scared to give it a name this time

Never letting an outsider in,

Blocking all the air away.

Eventually, we wanted more,

More than we gave away

So, we started looking for attention,

Outside our little bubble.

We cursed, we were hurt,

But god, we were devilish

Our power was the pain,

We put each other through.

And at the beginning of the end,

We started realizing

Time has at last taken its toll

Down and down, from the great heights we roll.

It’s just been barely a month,

Since we decided to walk away

And I have never felt more peaceful

In the process of losing something.

From fast and chaotic,

Its slow and stable again

And yes, the heart still beats!

-by Tanya Rana

This Too Shall Pass

I know this world hasn’t been kind to you lately,

And its struggle to keep moving on;

And I know you are gradually falling apart,

You feel helpless and the hope is long gone.

But in these trying times if you dare give up,

If you accept the failure and let others decide

They’ll talk about what life has brought to you,

And what all further it might.

But you got to keep your head high,

As if you are no less than the mighty;

And yet again your sun will rise,

With all the grace and so brightly.

I understand how they try to pull you down,

Just because they aren’t willing to climb up;

But you got to trust that grip and carry on,

As if you see nothing but the top.

This is paradise and hell, we call it life,

And ups and downs are its long-lost lovers;

But you somehow got to set the bars high,

Until you get the fruits for which you suffered.

Because you have climbed the highest mountains,

And on their top, you have danced;

So always believe in your instinct and remember,

Easy or hard, this too shall pass!

-by Tanya Rana