Author Archives: Tanya Rana

I walked in with my arm around her waist,

Of course, it was for you to see;

You left me, or say let me go in a haste,

For once didn’t ask, what was it that I feel.

You are alone but I can spot some trying eyes,

I am the crowd’s man, but its you who I’m seeking;

I don’t see you approaching like other old guys,

But am sure, from some dark corner you’re peaking.

I try to keep my eyes on her, but god it’s hard,

You’ve worn my favorite red dress;

She’s holding my hand in a way so lard,

But you know how my buttons are to be pressed.

She calls me towards you to introduce you both,

Oh, I can feel my heart beat in my throat;

Ask me how dreadfully this sight, I loathe,

I cannot look you in the eyes, or I’ll explode.

I can see you fake a laugh at her jokes,

And I know it very well, you don’t find her funny;

I know me taking her hand, makes you choke,

My weather, all of a sudden, turns to cloudy from sunny.

You say you have a call and need a moment,

But I know it was an excuse to get away;

I climbed the stage but it was such a torment,

Without you near, the piano wasn’t worth the play.

I sung the roughest song I ever wrote,

I was looking at her, but I was trying to find you;

Last year it was you, the song was meant for,

This time it barely carries any value.

You were sitting in the yard, on a misty and crooked swing,

My heart broke in a million pieces, seeing you like that;

I remember coffee and fireplace and us laughing,

What went wrong? How did it all turn to ash?

I did my best to hold my sliding tear,

I tried to apologize for the first time in my life;

But you refused and stepped back in fear,

As if my hand felt like the sharpest knife.

I saw you getting up, I saw you going away,

Yet once again, like you did some time ago;

I know I hurt you since the very first day,

We could have worked it out but you rather let it go.

I watch you leave and sit in your car,

I felt blood heating my veins, but I knew I lost;

This was me breaking you the worst so far,

But I’ll forever ask myself, “At what cost?”

You walked in with her like you walked in with me,

I know your hand is intentionally around her waist;

And I know it is for me to see,

And god curse me if I ever despise your taste.

She is holding your arm as a gesture of affection,

Or maybe it was a way to say you belong to her;

And its obvious you’re the crowd’s attention,

Which for me, only made the situation worse.

You look at her with glitter in your eyes,

A little while ago, you looked at me that way;

She turns to me to break the ice,

My dark blue sky turns the darkest gray.

She talks in her sweet voice, “I’ve heard a lot about you”,

But my eyes search for you as you come by;

She makes a gesture for you to introduce,

You take her hand and talk a little shy.

Your eyes are set on my hands,

She is noticing your every move;

Of course, you are the king of the determined lands,

I always admired that and I still do.

She laughs hysterically and her eyes are adorable,

Her skin looks as soft as if made of feathers;

And here its me testing if I’m capable,

And for how long my heart can be tethered.

I make an excuse and get rid of your sight,

It’s a mixed feeling of heart-break, betrayal and horror;

Just a few months ago, I thought I had it right,

But today you’re at the piano playing a song for her.

You sing the most beautiful song you ever wrote,

In a crowd of hundreds, your eyes are set on her;

Last year it was me, same place, time, even the keynote,

But today I’m the crowd and she’s the one to refer.

I’m in the yard, sitting on the cold swing,

Thinking how your lies were so obvious;

All the thing you promised me, its for her, you’re doing,

What a poetic way of you to mock us.

Your eyes start searching as soon as I’m out of sight,

Maybe your cold, dark heart realized it was too much;

You come out to talk to make things right,

I smile, venomously saying, “There’s no thing as such”.

I can see your hand lifting to pat my shoulder,

I already recoil at the thought of your touch;

I pick up my clutch, my phone, I feel colder,

I walk away from the world’s best Bruch.

You watch me leave and sit in my car,

Your face so still with no worry in the world;

This was you breaking me the worst so far,

There was not a single word you hurled.

I have been worse,

 I have seen worse.

I’m not your knight in shining armor;

You knew this was coming, the instant we met,

So, its your fault if being with me makes you upset.

I am a warrior, a fighter like no other,

But you know, I cry to the rude words of my brother.

I am the strongest woman you’ll ever see,

But you’ve heard the sound of my heart breaking from my family.

I am the most stubborn, head-strong person,

But you know, of all people who in my mind I’m cursing.

I am a hater and a liar and a traitor,

But you have seen my sides of a keeper and a waiter.

I am so hateful I kill people in my mind,

But you know, you have never seen someone near as kind.

I know I hurt people with my bullet-like words,

But you have seen me swinging my goodwill swords.

I know I am a torture, a punishment to be around,

But you know I’m a good heart, just waiting to be found.

I know I am a demon, creating all the chaos,

But you know I’ve been an angel and how my coins tossed.

I know I don’t deserve you, and never will I,

But you know I’ll stay with you till the day I die.

And I know I tell you I’ll never come back to you,

But you know in this world, there’s no better match then us two!

– by Tanya Rana

2016, one fine summer day,

Broad daylight, the sky was gay;

I take myself to far lands and fields,

To spend a day relaxing, to rejuvenate, to breathe.

I drive my old, dull blue ford,

Its been a while since it last saw the roads;

And yes, it also makes some broke sounds,

Chokes on its smoke, as if hell bound.

 As I drive, I see a familiar spot,

Where I spent my innocent days quite a lot;

I stop the car right under the Tree,

Got out to sit in the shade for the spree.

And as I sat,

Was a series of flashback;

Of cheers and tears and fights and laughter,

Of hour-long discussions of a happy ever after.

I saw Grandma and my younger self, coming towards me,

I was holding her finger, tossing a penny;

I saw dad, and how I was sitting on his shoulders,

Preaching me life lessons, of struggles and boulders.

I saw big brother and how on his head I hover,

I knew it was his time of the day to meet his lover.

And in a while, there came myself and him,

Talking chokingly sweet things, till the stars kicked in.

And then I came alone, Oh! What a pity,

I remember, it was the day, I left for the city.

Time passed by, and yes, Grandma did too,

Brother took his lady and to Europe he flew;

Dad, Oh, I left and it broke his heart,

Its been two years since I saw him at Walmart.

I guess, in the end, we’re alone, dear Tree,

Sometimes they left, other times it was me;

But still you stand here, trunk and bough,

And still I stand here, body and soul.