Dream

I woke up in a haphazard today, due to a dream. For someone who has potentially worked on getting rid of a few memories, I think I should have stopped dreaming about you way before. But there you were, looking breathtaking as always. The setting was our school corridors, and recess time. I was outside the classes with my friend R and my cousin N. N doesn’t show up in my dreams very often and today she did for some reason. Maybe because even she was upset when I gave her the news. Our classrooms were different and I don’t have a reason for that either. Neither did I try to find out.  I remember laughing and roaming around and then my eyes move to the window of the class you were sitting in. I wasn’t exactly peeping, I was seeing you from a distance. You were having lunch with some old classmates we knew mutually. And I was overwhelmed. Isn’t it crazy? I saw you in a dream and I was overwhelmed by emotions I dread. I was somehow aware that we were broken up, yes, even in the dream and I was wishing to find a way to just have a convo. Maybe an awkward one, but one. So I go to R and N and ask them to do something, anything, which includes both, you and me. I sound so desperate even in my dream, trying to get one conversation from that one person. I remember N and R made fun of it and I had to let them because well, what else could have been done. I remember they went into the class without me, failing our little shenanigans, and I, disappointed as always, hung my head low and started walking on the opposite side of the corridor. I saw an unknown girl calling in for a hug and for a second I thought it was for me because I really could have used one but it was for another girl, one of her friends maybe. I remember I was so upset from that idea failing as if I lost something that had already been lost. There is no way of putting it into words but if I could, by any chance, it was a nightmare. I call such dreams, emotional nightmares. It’s funny how dreams make you feel things you haven’t felt in real life for a long time or ever. I don’t remember being a school kid. I don’t remember what it felt like and I don’t remember what the lunch break looked like. But in my dreams, I see it just the way it was. It baffles me how our dreams know what’s going on and how to make you feel things you feel in a real-world, as they are. I remember being in a position like that, but not a situation. There has never in my life been a situation like that and thank goodness there hasn’t. This dream was such a tremendous blow I had to write about it. I think, sometimes you go so far hating someone that at one particular moment, you don’t know what you hated them for. But you can’t go back to not hating them because you don’t know how to. How do you tell yourself the reason doesn’t exist anymore or does it? Have you just forgotten? Which leaves you with empty hate, which is all you know. I am not a big fan of dreams unless it’s some fictional character I’ve been crushing on. But this, this made me feel a certain wave of emotions, happy or sad, I’m yet to know. Thus, I had to write.